Our cast party was super fun. We all just sat around and talked and played guitar and sang. We all get along so well and I don’t want that to end. Afterwards Nikki (Anne), Lauren (Mrs van Daan) and I all slept at Lauren’s house and we stayed up really late talking. Strike was this morning, and I showed up with a grande extra whip White Mocha in hand. I’ve taken down a lot of sets but I always feel sad when I walk out and the stage is all cleared. I got my little moment today though. The techies were refocusing lights and they asked me to stand on the stage to act as a marker. I moved around from place to place for 45 minutes or so, and it was really nice to just feel the lights and look out on the theater and just think about the show and acting in general. Theres really no feeling in the world that I like more then standing on a stage with the lights shining and an audience watching. It’s a unique high. And it was nice to gather my thoughts in the more relaxed version of that.

This show has been so so so amazing. The performances were heartbreaking, the cast was fantastic, the set was beautiful. Really, the whole experiences has been so great. So now I’m sitting here one my bed, rereading the note from my director that was taped to the makeup room mirror yesterday for me. I won’t be sappy and rewrite it or anything but it’s a nice reminder of where we came from and what we accomplished. This afternoon I went to the prop room and put my glasses away- Margot’s glasses away. I’m back to being me, but I’ll never forget being her.

xo Kelly

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo MF

We had the invited dress performance today. It was a great run, one of our best. Everything felt so right. Our retired director came back to see the show and I know personally I had my A- game on. She is a scary scary lady because shes one of those people you want to impress more then anything. She was the first person I met in my high school’s theater department and she really got me into the whole process. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her, but I really hope I impressed her.

The down side to the invited dress was the rest of the audience. A lot of 7th graders attended because they read the book in class and their teacher was giving them extra credit. Their behavior was horrendous. They giggled at everything, even the serious parts. Their phones rang, they texted, they talked. I wanted to storm off the stage and yell at them: Don’t you realize I’m up here, that we’re all up here, to teach you something? That I’m not just crying for this show but I’m crying for the millions of people who died like this family did? Like I did? This isn’t made up. This isn’t funny. I was furious and that made me put even more into it, try as hard as I could to make something stick. And in some small way it paid off. At intermission, as most of the audience streamed out, I broke my hug with Otto and tried to recollect myself. I wiped the tears out of my eyes, took a few deep breaths, and looked up at the house. And there in the third row was this little boy sitting alone. All of these kids his age were laughing and talking and he was sitting apart. He stared at the still burning Hannukah candles, and then at me. Then he looked down at the program he was clutching in his hand, as if trying to remind himself it was just a play. He looked so incredibly sad I wanted to cry again. Because I knew he knew, as well as I do, that it’s not just a play. That distance isn’t there. There’s no cushioning against this show, its just there, in all its strength and power and heartbreak, daring you to challenge it. To challenge what it’s telling you. And you can’t.

Tomorrow night is going to be hard. It’s going to be our first audience that really gets this. That reacts with the amount of reverence and horror a show like this warrants. What am I going to do if and when someone starts crying? How do you react? You can’t comfort them. I’ve cried for this show. I think most of us have. It deserves it. The hope this one girl brought to her situation, the slice of humanity she has left us with, makes it that much harder to face the Holocaust. Because even though I can work to change things now, I can’t change what happened then. I want to be an international journalist in real life. It started before I did this show, but this has only strengthened it. I want to tell people’s stories, to make sure no one gets lost in the shuffle. To open the worlds eyes to the horror, but also the beauty. But there’s still that part of me that thinks that its not enough. That it will never be enough. And that’s why I cry.

xo MF

“[Margot] was an extremely pleasant and patient girl, but at the same time a brilliant student and strongly socially minded, wishing to become a doctor or a nurse.”

“There are rumours [that Margot kept a diary]  but we never found any evidence of that. Neither could Otto confirm this.”

“She was a lovely person. Very considerate, always friendly and polite, very knowledgeable and quiet. I never saw her agitated.

Anne- You were shocked when the cast list first came out, but I wasn’t. You’ve worked so hard on everything in this show, from the technical side of getting lines down to the more emotional job of capturing Anne’s spirit. I don’t think any one deserved this more then you, and I can’t wait for you to show everyone what you’re capable of.

Otto- You command everyone’s attention on stage, and not just because you’re the tallest one on it. The quiet authority and fatherly affection you’ve brought to this character has made our on stage relationship so natural and right, and I can’t thank you enough for it.

Edith- For someone so outgoing off stage, you’ve managed to give your character such a believable calm, motherly demeanor. Your ability to capture the emotional depth of your role has been an inspiration for my own reactions on stage, and I think our scenes together perfectly capture a loving mother/ daughter relationship.

Petronella- Comical without being overdone, your portrayal of Mrs Van Daan hits all the right notes. Your transition from the obnoxious woman in the first act to the humbled one in the second is seamless. You’ve taken an almost cartoonish character and infused her with a level of sincerity and thoughtfulness that makes her likable.

Hermann- I always love watching the characters you create, and this one is no exception. You’ve taken a character that could easily be frustratingly negative and made his grumpiness funny instead. Painfully human in his ways of coping and not coping with life in the Annex, your portrayal of Mr Van Daan only adds to the realism of the show.

Peter- You’ve managed to take a quiet character who could easily blend into the background and make him stand out on the stage. From your all too real moments of embarrassment to your touching and heartfelt scenes with Anne, it’s easy to fall in love with your Peter.

Dussel- Yet another actor that takes an character that is easy to dislike and makes him endearing. Your work to understand the real Dussel is so apparent in your careful portrayal of his coping with life away from his loved ones. Your jokes on stage always make me smile, but you keep it grounded in reality.

Miep- Your moments on stage bring a lightness and optimism that could so easily be lost in such a dark play. You keep it real, bringing happiness without being cheesy or fake. You perfectly capture the bravery and compassion that defined such a remarkable woman.

Krahler- Ahh Krah-daddy. You bring the outside in to the Annex, a sense of the world without being too harsh. It’s a role that requires careful balance between painful awareness of reality and a thoughtful desire to keep the Annex members happy, and I think you’ve done a great job at maintaining it.

Stage Manager- Wow. Just…wow. The thought and work you’ve put into tech this week never ceases to amaze me, and the show looks beyond amazing. You are so tremendously helpful to everyone in this production, and we could never ever survive without you.

Our Fearless Leader (last but never least!)- As frustrating as we may be sometimes, you’ve never given up on us. You gave us each a role that both used our strengths and challenged our weaknesses, and the result has been truly remarkable. Thank you for trusting us with such a powerful show, and I don’t think any of us will forget the lessons you’ve taught us.

I know everyones been a little on edge these past few weeks. It’s stressful and nerve wracking and we’ve been around each other a ton. But I hope everyone remembers this week why we’re doing this, and how much we need each other. I don’t know how many people will read this, but I hope a few people do and that it means something. I love you all, and I’m beyond excited to see the amazing result of all of out hard work.

xo MF

Now you’re fifteen you’re in youth’s full bloom.
Clothes, jewellery, posters fill your room.
I often see Margot acting so shyly,
She doesn’t like blowing her own trumpet so highly.
So to help make it all a little less hard,
Today she’ll receive her own visiting card,
Then she won’t be put to shame
If someone wants to know her name.
She’ll just hand her card over. With no fuss and bother!
But that’s enough now, for we all want to see
What the gifts hidden under the table will be.
So now, darling Mutz, you go on your way,
The four of us wish you a wonderful day!’

Margot’s nickname was Mutz? I never would have guessed. It seems so cute and silly, and not at all like Margot. It’s something I would expect Anne to have. But I guess it works. Otto was Pim, and Margot was Mutz. It makes my throat close up a little bit to read this. It’s just one more painfully human aspect of this girl that we know so little about.

xo MF

P.S. Otto refers to “the 4 of us.” Who was the 4th person? Must look into it.

xo MF

Peter and Me in the Attic!

Miep first met Margot at a dinner at the Frank family home. “Margot was ten years old, very prety, also with shiny dark hair. (…) Margot seemed to be Mommy’s little girl, and Anne was very much Daddy’s.” Margot would always remain the more contemplative of the two sisters, she enjoyed learning and achieved ‘remarkably high grades’ in school. She was a beautiful girl, and she wore glasses through which her dark earnest eyes observed the world and “and her attention was always on bookish matters and never on frivolity”. In the Secret Annex, Miep sees Margot just as Peter van Pels: “quite withdrawn, always part of the background.”

It’s interesting. The general idea in the cast is that Anne was much prettier then Margot. But at the time, this clearly wasn’t the case- we hear opinions to the contrary both from Miep and from Anne. Do we have different standards of beauty? Or do we just want to see Anne, the heroine we all know and love, in the most positive light? it’s a very human instinct, to almost deify those we respect and revere. But I resent that. I want the humanity of these characters to be captured. Not just the good, but the bad. Our Anne has done an amazing job of creating a character that is flawed but still likable- annoying at times, but in a way thats makes her so easy to relate to. I think everyone in the cast has brought that humanness to their characters and it’s amazing to see.

I’ve found myself carrying the Margot in me outside of the theater. I’ve been quiet, and Peter remarked that I’ve seemed pale and nauseous the past few days. I’ve found myself gravitating towards cozy sweaters, and adjusting glasses I’m not wearing. It’s silly, but it’s almost like I’ll have to retrain myself to be myself after all this. But that’s ok. Because all I care about right now is that I do justice to this show. To this character. And I really think that I can do it; that we can do it. I’m ready for next week. And I hope everyone else is too.

xo MF